Learning About Adoption

As we began the journey of adoption, I spent hours researching what it meant to adopt.  I’ve learned so much about adoption and how it works.  I’ve read several books (including the ones pictured above) and we spent time with people that have already been through the process (Thanks Jeff & Ann, Delia and Anna!).  Much of what I learned was contrary to what I thought about adoption.  It has been such an eye opening experience!  So what did I learn?  One of the biggest things I’ve learned is about open adoption.

As we began meeting with our case worker at Bethany, one of  the first things that we learned is that most domestic adoptions are now open.  In the years past you heard about most adoptions being closed – where the birthparents have no contact with their child after they have been adopted.  Since then, there has been significant research on adoptive children that have lived through closed adoptions.  I think those of you that have been adopted or have experienced adoption can attest to the fact that many adopted children have this desire at some point to know their first parents.  A lot of times the child needs to understand what brought their first parents to adopt or what kinds of things they have in common with their first parents.  It is important to their self-esteem!  Fortunately, with domestic adoption we have the option for them to ask those questions if they desire.

Most birthparents now want to have some type of openness – that could mean letters sent to them 4 times a year with pictures, it could be visits 2 times a year, or visits more often.   As we worked through the adoption process with our case worker – we got to choose an openness that we feel comfortable with.  I have to tell you – when we started this process… we were skeptical of open adoption (mainly because we didn’t understand it), but we have done a complete turn around!

We’ve learned so much about the birthparents – what a difficult decision they have to make in order to allow their child to have a better life.  I can’t imagine making that decision.  For those of you that have had children, you know the bond that you have with the child growing inside of you.  I know I had that with those that I lost.  They have to have amazing strength to give that child to another family!

Here is my prayer request for today:
Pray that God will bring the right birthmom to us as well as child.  We want to be able to have a great relationship with the birthparents.  Pray that it will be someone that we can really enjoy getting to know.

1 comment on “Learning About Adoption

  1. Sally Hall says:

    Vannesa and Tim,

    I will pray that God will bring the right person (s) in your lives, that the love of our Heavenly Father shines through your book and into the heart (s) of those who view at it.

    I love you.


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