I don’t have long to post, but wanted to put this out there so you all can pray. We got a call from our case worker yesterday. She said that the birthfather called the Bethany Office and asked to get a copy of the form that he would have to sign if he were to consent to the adoption. He said he wanted his attorney to look over it. This could be a good sign – maybe he will sign it. Thank you for joining me in prayer this week. People have asked if I feel worried and the answer is this… I’ve really felt at peace about this whole situation. I can’t explain it… but I really believe that God has a plan for this baby and haven’t been worried about the outcome. We’ve been praying like crazy and trusting God along the way.
One last thing – I had an amazing baby shower on Saturday. WOW… seriously I’m so overwhelmed with the generosity of my friends. Thank you so much for those of you that were able to make it that day. It really meant so much to me to have you there. Gail, Kris and Penny – thanks for throwing an AMAZING shower for me! The food was wonderful and the whole thing was so fun! Tim and I have been wow’ed over and over by the outpouring of love and support from our friends and family. Thanks to you all!
I got a call from our case worker yesterday. She said that the meeting with the attorney went really well.
I’m told that they will not be able to take the birthfather to court until after the baby is born. The court date is usually scheduled 4-8 weeks after the baby is born, so we will still take the baby home from the hospital, but have the potential of having to give the child up if it doesn’t go our way. Anything could happen now… he could change his mind again and go along with the adoption or he could hire an attorney and fight this to the end.
We will be praying that he changes his mind and that things come together for our attorney quickly as we will be paying the bill for this attorney (on top of the other adoption costs). Thanks for all your support and prayers! Tim and I really appreciate and can feel your prayers.
I thought I would end with finally posting some of our nursery pictures. We finished the nursery even before we were selected, so it is pretty gender neutral. We have a rocking chair in there now (not pictured). Before too long we will have a full baby room with toys, swing, etc. Thanks to Amanda Troyer for the awesome “jungle” pictures on the wall and the lion light.
Our neighbor had a garage sale the other day and gave me about 3-4 bags of clothes, crib items, and all kinds of other basic things. I think I have A LOT to learn about what we need… she was telling me a lot that I didn’t know.
I still don’t have the ultrasound pictures scanned in… I will post those soon. Thanks again for all of you that are praying for us!
I got a call from our case worker today. She just got word that the birthfather is now saying he doesn’t want to go through with the adoption. He has not really been in the picture with the birthmother and we have not met him. We were just told early on that he was going to sign over his rights to the child – that is what he told the case worker. Now he has changed his mind. Please join with Tim and I to pray for this birthfather and birthmother and the baby. Pray that the birthfather does what is best for the child. Pray for the birthmother as she also works through the emotions with him wanting to raise their child. On Tuesday, June 22nd, one of Bethany’s case workers will be meeting with an attorney to talk through this case. We should know by Wednesday what the attorney thinks will happen. Please pray for that meeting on Tuesday.
On another note, I realize I haven’t updated this in a really long time. I do have nursery pictures, but I don’t have them on this computer… so I will have to post them later. Sorry! Here is what has happened in the past couple months. We had our first meeting with the birthmother and wow was I nervous. But, the conversation was great and I walked away really excited. At this first meeting we found out that so far the baby is breech and is measuring small. We also found out the gender of the baby…. but we are keeping this a secret 🙂 That has been probably one of the most difficult things to do and I actually slipped and told someone… but she has promised not to tell anyone and I won’t even tell you who it is so you can’t bug her… ha ha. At the first meeting we exchanged email addresses and phone numbers. Since then, we’ve kept in contact and got together one other time. We even got ultrasound pictures… which I will post (some of them) when I post the nursery pictures. The birthmother is great and we’ve really enjoyed getting to know her. She is smart and makes us laugh. We are grateful for this time we’ve been able to spend with her. We’ve been learning so much that we will be able to share with our child someday (hopefully) and add to the lifebook.
I’ve really been trying to protect my heart over the past couple months, knowing that something could happen and someone could change their mind. I was doing a pretty good job of it until recently, as time has gotten closer it has started to become more real and I’ve been opening my heart to the possibility that this could really be it. I’ve been just imagining holding our child and rocking our child to sleep, getting up in the night and feeding our child. Then this call comes today. Please pray that God will bless Tim and I with a child soon.
Thanks for those of you that have been praying for us and supporting us through this time. We appreciate you!
So, this morning was a normal Monday morning. Always hard to get up on a Monday morning, but we made it up. Tim left for work and that is my time to spend time with God – I have more recently gotten back into journaling my prayers to God which has been great for me. As you can imagine, one of my prayers lately is in regards to a child that we hope to adopt some day. I’ve been pouring my heart out to God through this whole journey. This morning one thing I prayed is this, “I pray that something exciting will happen on the adoption front this week.” Seriously… that is what I wrote and prayed.
A little info that seems irrelevant – but it will make sense soon. For all of our case workers calls, I try to go somewhere private so that I can ask questions and be free to say what I want without telling others what is going on. Don’t get me wrong, I love my team at Daybreak… I just wanted Tim to be the first to hear any news before my coworkers 🙂 Anyways, my phone was dead and plugged into the wall… so I was tied to my desk.
So, now fast forward to 10:23am and I’m working. My cell phone is ringing… it is our case worker. She asks me if I have a minute to talk. Of course I have a minute to talk (but I’m tied to my desk)!! So, I just say, yes of course I can talk. She says, “I have some good news for you.” At this point I’m ecstatic!! I can’t stop smiling… but I’m trying to contain myself since I’m at my desk. She goes on to tell me that a one of the birthmothers had chosen us to parent her child!! She gave me lots of details… I just kept saying… “I’m so excited.” She probably couldn’t tell I was really so excited because I was trying to talk quietly. Anyways, I said “so what is next?” She explained that we will meet with her sometime next week!! All I can say is “I’M SO EXCITED!!”
So I get off the phone and of course one of my coworkers asks me if I’m going to be a mom. I just say… I can’t tell you anything yet. I need to call Tim!! Once I get off the phone of course I share with my coworkers the news. Can you tell I’M SO EXCITED!!
The birthmother is due at the beginning of August… so we have 4 months to prepare for a baby!
I want to share with you guys a couple things, and I hope you will understand. We want our child’s story to be something that is theirs only and something they can cherish and learn more about as they grow in time. Part of what we learned about adoption is that the situation that causes a child to be put up for adoption and any details about the birthmother should be shared only with that child. Then if that child wants to share information with others, they can do that. So, we will not be sharing lots of those details about the actual reason for adoption or about the birthparents other than the basics. Thanks for understanding! You can of course ask questions about our journey, what is coming up and how we are preparing for our baby 🙂
We will get many more details about what is to come next week. We do know that she would like us to be at the hospital when she delivers and we will take the child home from the hospital. Many have asked if she could change her mind. Of course she can, but Bethany does a great job at preparing them and not matching them with a family until they are pretty sure that won’t happen. But, there is always a slight risk of this.
THANK YOU all for your prayers and support through this whole process.
Prayer Requests for Tonight:
• Pray for this birthmother. Pray that she will feel at peace about her decision.
• Pray for our meeting next week. Pray that we really hit it off with the birthmother and enjoy getting to know her.
It has been a while since we’ve last posted and that is not for lack of things happening. We have had some great things happen on the adoption front over the past month. Here are 3 of the big things that are going on right now.
If you know anything about me… you know that I don’t do things “half-heartedly” so over the past months I’ve been doing lots and lots of research on adoption. I have found MANY websites where agencies, referral businesses, etc post what they call “available situations.” On one of those sites, I found an agency that was looking for a family in Michigan. We submitted our information to the agency and a couple weeks later we were told that she wanted to meet us and one other family. (Thanks to my friend Delia for being a sounding block after we found out we were meeting – she has been there before with her adoption and was EXTREMELY helpful!) We met with her and boy were we nervous! We didn’t know what to expect or even what kinds of things she might ask because it was not the agency that we have actually listed with. We didn’t get a ton of details. But, it was a great meeting. We found out on Monday that she ended up going with another family. It was a bummer to hear, but we are still trusting God and His plan.
We have also been doing a lot of research on getting a quick placement and one of the things that I’ve seen recommended over and over was to list with multiple agencies. Now, this can be costly because with most agencies you have to pay some costs up front to be shown. So, we’ve been holding off on this, but this past week we decided we would move forward with this. We had a meeting on Tuesday morning with Adoption Associates in Hudsonville. (We are already listed with Bethany Christian Services.) Adoption Associates have a big need for couples/families that will adopt African American children. She gave us a bunch of things to fill out and complete and then we would be able to be shown there. (But now this has been put on hold… see #3)
I got a call from our caseworker at Bethany in the afternoon on Tuesday. One of the birthmothers that was looking at our profile through Bethany would like to meet us and one other family. So, we will be meeting her and the birthfather on April 12!! So, because of this we are holding off on listing with another agency until after we have this meeting. Maybe this will be it!! Then just today, our caseworker from Bethany called and said if this one doesn’t choose us that there might be another possibility. Another birthmother has expressed interest in us!! Cool!
On another note… the baby room is coming together. We got the bedding for the crib and a few more decorations. I will hopefully post pictures soon.
Thanks for all those that are still praying!
Prayer request for today:
Pray for our meeting on April 12. Pray that God will help calm our nerves and that we can just be ourselves and enjoy the meeting.
From the title, you would think I have good news… but not yet. I’ve just been thinking a lot about our baby… whether our baby hasn’t been conceived yet… or is growing as we speak and is not born yet… or is already born. I’ve just been spending some time praying for our baby. Praying that he/she will feel loved and important. That they will grow to love God as much as Tim and I do. That they will be healthy and grow strong. I pray for our baby several times a day… partially because that is all I can do right now. But, our baby is not the only thing we are praying for… we are praying for the expectant mother that is, has or will be carrying our baby. Praying that God will surround her with His love and protect her, help her to make great decisions for her baby. My mind is filled with this prayer several times a day. Thank you to those of you that have been praying with Tim and I.
Something you may not know about domestic adoption…
We will more than likely be taking a baby home from the hospital. When we are chosen, the birthmother will decide if they want us at the hospital during the delivery. That is totally up to her… but for the most part placement happens when the mother is discharged from the hospital. So, we will have a VERY newborn!! Sometimes the expectant mother will even invite you to doctor appointments to see the baby in an ultrasound before they are born.
Then following the time we take the baby home from the hospital… we wait until the court date. At the court date it is official that the baby is ours. The court date usually happens within a month (I think I have that number right). Although everyone has heard the stories of a mother taking her child back… and it does happen… but the agency does a great job at trying to explore all options before they even go down the “adoption” road, one of which is parenting themselves. So, by the time they get to the birth of their child, they should be ready. There is always a risk… but it is a risk we are willing to take.
Baby Room is Coming Together!!
We now have the changing station and dresser and a pack and play. The pack and play is also a bassinet and changing area… I don’t know if we will use that or not… but at least we have the option. My Mom and Dad got us the stroller… YAY!! So, we are ready for a baby! Thanks Mom and Dad!!
Prayer Request:
• Pray hard over this next week… it could happen!! Pray for the expectant mom that will one day be a part of our lives! Pray for our baby that it will be healthy and strong!
We have a crib! Thanks to Tim’s mom and dad who purchased a crib for us while they were here last weekend. It is nice to see the room get some baby furniture in it. I can’t wait until it is full of things! Like I’ve said before, we could get a baby a year from now… or we could have a baby next week. So, we are trying to be as prepared as we can if we are chosen by a mother that already had her baby. We already have a crib, pack and play and high chair! Next on our list will be a car seat and some of the little necessities – diapers, clothing, bottles, formula, etc. We can’t bring a baby home without a car seat – that is a big necessity!! It has been fun to look at those things!
I think we’ve had a total of 5 birthmothers look through our profile so far – all of them have chosen other families. It has been hard, but each time our case worker has told us about another birthmother that she would like to show our profile to. So, there is another birthmother and birthfather that will be looking through our profile this week… and possibly another next week. We are staying hopeful!
One of the things that Tim and I have been talking about these past few weeks is “networking”. I have learned so much about adoption over these past months. One thing that I’ve really learned about through others that are adopting on Bethany’s Forums is that many people do a lot of networking to find a birthmother. Some place ads in the newspaper, make business cards and leave them at businesses, etc. That is something that Tim and I are really not comfortable with. Maybe some of you that have adopted have done that, but that is not for us. We do hope that if any of our friends hears of anyone that is considering giving their child up for adoption – that they might think of us.
Thanks for those of you that have been praying for us and for our future baby!
Prayer Requests for Today:
• Pray for this couple this week that will be viewing our profile. Pray that they will feel God’s guidance on their decision.
• Pray for Tim and I as we wait for the baby God has in store for us. Pray that we can lean on God during this wait.
I thought I would share a couple personal pictures today! These are some of our favorite things to do… serve at Daybreak Church!! I am a small group leader to 4-5 year olds and Tim works with senior high guys. We love it!! These pictures are also some that we put in our profile book!
We did hear back that one of the birthmothers that was viewing our profile last week (or the week before) did not choose us. We haven’t heard about the other birthmother that was also looking at our profile. Our case worker has promised to let us know anything when she hears. So, hopefully we hear something soon. We will also be having another new birthmother to look at our profile this week (towards the end of the week).
I’m going to try to keep this short, but there have been a couple things this past week that have been very significant to me and our journey towards adoption. One is the fact that last week I really broke down. I’ve really been trying to give this whole process to God, but I realized (with the help of my husband) that I was only giving God the part of the process that I didn’t think I could control on my own. If you know me very well, you know that I have my weeks planned out way ahead of time… I am very organized and scheduled. So, when it comes to not knowing what lies ahead…. lets just say I’m not very good at it. This is something that I’m learning how to trust God with now. I was finding myself getting really anxious and constantly having thoughts like this… “I wonder if we will be picked today… we need to get ready… we don’t have anything we need yet… what if we don’t get choosen… what if… what if… what if…” It went on and on. I was stressing myself out – when I don’t have to. God has promised to carry the burden if I will only let Him. This is the verse that I read after I came to this realization:
—————–
Phillipians 4:6-7
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
—————–
Now, when I start to think about those things that I was worrying about and letting consume me, I’m stopping them and just whispering a prayer to God to take that burden from me. I can’t say it has always been easy to give it up to Him, but I’m trying really hard to leave it in His hands.
The other big thing that I’ve learned about this past week was about how sheltered I really am. Tim and I went to a class that Bethany held about raising a transracial baby. We don’t know if our baby will be of a different race, but we want to be prepared if it is. I have so much more to learn about this subject and can’t wait to talk to others that have adopted and read some books on the subject. But, so far, I know that I will need to do a better job at integrating other activities and places into our life. They did the following activity with us… there were 6 different cups. Each cup had different color beads in them. Each bead represented a different ethnic group: African American, Caucasian, Asian, Native American, etc. Then they began listing off things like… “Your doctor is… Your neighborhood is mostly… Your schools are mostly… Your boss is… Your hair stylist is…etc.” Then we had to pick a bead that represented that person and fill our cup. Then, we had to take a bead that would represent our baby. How did our cups of beads look? Did it look all Caucasian? Do we have enough diversity for raising a child of a different race? I know Tim and I will have to make changes and definitely make an effort to make sure our child has positive role models and friends that they can relate to. It will definitely be something we will be exploring more in the coming months. How will our child respond when they get teased for the way they look? Will they know they are beautiful even though they are teased or will it eat at them constantly? We want to do all we can to our our child know they are loved and beautiful just the way they are! One thing we know we would like to do is be a part of a play group with other families that have adopted a child of a different race.
Prayer Request:
Pray that God will bring the right child to us at the right time!
So I seriously think that there should be support groups for those that are in the adoption process!! I’m going crazy! It is so hard to not get discouraged and think that we may not have a family until years down the road – pending a birthmother choosing us to adopt their child. I’ve been a part of adoptive forums – where other families that are waiting hang out… but sometimes that is not very “supportive.” Actually, sometimes it almost makes it more discouraging. There are people on the forums that have been waiting for over two years to adopt a child domestically! Of course, I don’t know their openness to different situations or what agency they are with, but I really don’t want to wait that long. I’m praying that we don’t have to wait that long. Then there are people that are set on putting me in my “place” because I’ve only been waiting for a month… they almost make it seem like we don’t deserve to get a placement yet. I think I may need to stop visiting the forums. I wish I had people I knew that are going through domestic adoption right now… people that we could hang out with, pray with and just support each other (and remind each other that it is in God’s timing). If any of you know anyone else that is going through domestic adoption, let me know.
We have not heard anything as a result of the two birthmothers that were going to be looking at our profile last week. Tim and I have been really praying for them this past week. Praying that our profile will stand out among the others that they are looking through. Praying that the right mom and child will be drawn to us – whether it is one of these or one in the future.
—————-
Here are a few questions that people have asked us in the past months – maybe you are wondering too:
Are we adopting a baby or are we open to older children?
Tim and I really want to experience the whole thing – so baby times too. So, right now, we are requesting an infant. But, if an instance arises where there is a baby and a 2 year old – we would probably take two kids.
Have we explored adopting from foster care?
We did ask about this, but for the most part adopting from foster care is older child adoption. We may consider something like this in the future, but for right now we are sticking to domestic infant adoption. For those of you that don’t know – when you adopt from foster care – the cost is very minimal. (Usually less than $1000) Also, you get funding from the state – not a lot, but some. If you are interested in this – I would check with Bethany.
What kind of openness will we have with the birthmother?
This will depend on what the birthmother wants – we are open to some visits and cards/photos sent. This will all be determined as we meet our birthmother and set some guidelines.
Are we open to transracial adoption? Absolutely! We are open to any child!
Did we request a certain gender? You can request a gender, but we did not. We figured if we were having our own children – we wouldn’t be able to choose, so why make that specific now?
Have we considered adopting from Haiti?
Yes – we actually contacted our case worker after the earthquake happened along with many others. Basically, if you look at my last post you will see that there are not specific plans for more kids leaving Haiti. The international adoption program looks a lot different than the domestic program. We would have to fill out lots more paperwork and go through more things in order to be in that program. Unfortunately, we cannot do both at the same time… so we are sticking with domestic infant adoption.
—————-
Those are some of the basic questions that we’ve been asked… if you have more questions let me know – make a comment and I will answer more. Thanks to those that have been following along and praying for Tim and I. We’ve been so blessed to be surrounded by people that love us and encourage us!
Prayer Requests for Tonight:
• Pray for the birthmothers that have our profile right now. Pray that God will surround them and help them as they make this tough decision. Pray that they will have a circle of family or friends around them that will encourage and support them.
• Pray for Tim on Tuesday at 2:00pm. He has a job interview that seems like it would be a great opportunity.
Just a quick post tonight. We found out today that the birthmother choose someone from another state. It sounds like she didn’t end up looking at any profiles at the Bethany Office. We are bummed, but just trusting God’s plan. We don’t want a baby that God doesn’t want us to have, so we are moving on and trusting Him.
Prayer Request:
Pray that Tim and I will have wisdom to know which situations to move forward with or not. Our case worker will come to us with different child situations – older children, babies that might have special needs, etc. We have been praying through each thing that has been brought to us. Our prayer is that we will hear God’s voice and follow His lead for each situation. Can you pray for us too?
